Marriage for a person with low vision – my personal story
If you know me, some of you seen only smile on my face all the time; but might not have seen the tragedy I have gone through. I in fact, would not like to share such an incident on a public platform, but some how, I felt, this story would be handy and helpful to someone in the community.
Again, if you know me, you would perhaps aware that I am a person with low vision and I could see only with my right eye. Most often, community do not notice people with low vision as a person with disability; they can only make out when you have a visible disability like total absence of sight, orthopedic disability, cerebral policy or so. And this is what is the problem. And being a person with low vision person, what I have learnt is we need to be very careful during matrimony process; no matter, if the other party is known to you and your family for a long and if you are relatives. Here is my story took place started in 2007!
While we were in search of my life partner and we came across a girl who happened to be distant relative to us. We went to her place with mediators on a day during May 2007 and we spent at their place from 2:00 PM to 9:00 PM (India Time); which means about 7 hours; during this time, we had a lot of chat among everyone, had snacks, dinner, photography and I was as usual was busy with my hand phone talking to my clients and friends! Isn’t it enough for someone and their family to understand that I am a person with low vision. Also, during our chat, we have (through my uncle), we have clearly mentioned about my low vision to her and her parents among other relatives, who were present. And we have told them do take their own time and revert to us, if they are interested. However, they discussed among themselves and came back within half an hour time that “that’s fine, we are OK to go ahead” and we completed the traditional formalities. So that day was one opportunity for them to discuss in detail about my low vision, if they need any clarification.
Nevertheless, they still had another opportunity that is till the time we got married which was a month long. They were quite and finally, the day has come in June, 2007 where we got married at a devotional place that we all believed in. They were quite alright on the day of wedding and the next day too which we have performed Shri. Sathyanarayana Pooja. And that day evening they said “we did not understand his vision problem, our daughter cannot carry a life with him” and they claimed that I am totally blind and they left our place along with the girl.
Both our relatives and her relatives, teachers have tried their best to convince them and create awareness for a long time but no success. Even I wrote her a letter asking her to visit my place along with anyone who she likes and stay for whatever time she would want; if she finds life comfortable, she can carry on, else, we can think further and I was ready to take care of all expenses. There is no response at all.
After a while, we got a message demanding for a huge money and I declined saying firstly, I did not ask her to leave me nor I took any dowry from them and in fact, I have spent for whole marriage including their travel cost.
Then an advocate ran after me insisting me to give him some documentary proof that I am educated so that he can convince; which I was not interested.
Anyway, finally, we had pay them some money and filed a mutual consent for divorce in a court. All I have to say is that whole this story happened just due to lack of awareness and not ready to listen.
Well, my life won’t stop here. Thanks to Shaadi Centre, who found Hema to lead a smooth life ahead! Watch out for a good news soon.
My advice to people with disabilities is when you are looking out for a life partner, make sure, you spend at least 3 months before the marriage either via phone, email and some personal visits and let her / him completely understand your disability and make a decision. Also, it’s important to create awareness among his / her parents and relatives.
Finally, I thank, everyone, particularly, my colleagues at Net Systems Informatics and BarrierBreak Technologies for all the support and help to overcome this tragedy.
I dont think its your tragedy, its the tragedy for those people who could not understand human values!
Thank you, Giri. But you know I have seen at least 2 more such cases (where things happened much later of the marriage) including one guy is doing pretty well outside in India and work for a very well-to-do company (cannot disclose here). I see these things happened just due to lack of awareness about disability. In my case, she felt that she need to help me for everything including eating food etc., So raising awareness in general to public is important too and this is exactly job of Disability affairs department, but sadly they do not do anything in this space.
I am a person with this same problem. I am One Eyed like you. Already I have learnt a lot in my life within a little age and today I also learn a lot from your experience. I am also from India (Kolkata).
A lot of wishes for your happy life.
Thanks for leaving a comment here.